dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
the boys lacrosse roster just went up... now we can see who we had sex with
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
He literally named all the parts of the vagina as he fingered me. No more pre-med virgins.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
