I'm sorry my penis didn't work
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Well shit I mean if you get a bunch of cashed up drunk lesbians together in a casino, it's bound to go south at some point
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
