Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Let's get weird.
It's 10 am...
I'm assuming that means you're not busy...
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize
