We named our party play list daddy issues
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
