Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Randomize
