Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
