My Higher Power is John Stamos
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
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