I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize