Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
