Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Sorry you called when I was puking in a cheetos bag
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
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