return my video game
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
He has the fingertips of a God
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize