So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
