Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I feel like a pet sloth would complement my lifestyle.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
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