i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
What do you mean you don't want me to steal the manikin do you have any idea how expensive inflatable dolls are I can't get that for your birthday
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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