I hope mine doesn't look like that
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
