I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Well I just put wine in my tea
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
