There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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