i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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