Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
