You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
