When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
If sitting in the car passing a flask back and forth because the bar we go to is having some power issues on Christmas eve isn't Christmas spirit, then I don't know is.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
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