i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
making my breakfast out of the pot brownies we made last night. Safe to say it's time to go grocery shopping.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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