I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
