i just wanna soil my oats bro
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Randomize
