i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
