You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I lost my bra at his grandma's house so there's that.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
