Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Sorry, I was unaware dragging you upstairs for sex was such an awful thing.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
