when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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