He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
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