the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
