so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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