I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
