Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Randomize
