i was rollin on her like bob the builder
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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