apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Made a visit to my old puking stall. I missed it.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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