4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Awkwardly walking by your fuck buddy and waving a casual hi in his direction like nothing has happened is probably the best thing in my life
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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