I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
he changed my name in his contacts to "rick", so his mom wouldn't know he was texting me
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
You stole my car to go to your boyfriends. Now your parents are fucking in the next room at top volume, and I have no way to escape..thought you should know that the amount of therapy I'll be needing for this is expensive.
You're the best friend ever.
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
