Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
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