you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
