just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Randomize
