Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
Randomize
