i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
