No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
There are 144 bottles of wine in my mother's pantry. She just shrugged her shoulders and said it was for the wine pong tournament on Christmas Day.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
Randomize
