So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
He felt like a one man threesome
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
I forgot not everyone drinks wine out of the bottle. My grandma just asked if i needed a glass with a disappointing look.
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
Randomize
