walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
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