Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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