you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
id be glad to
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
