Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
the girl walking home behind me started yelling and pointing "i want an ass like hers!" i feel vaguely accomplished.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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