At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
So I vaguely remember making out with you this morning, I think you were on a date?
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
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