I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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