Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
