I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
Randomize
