i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
Just saw Youth in Revolt. There are only so many times Michael Cera can lose his virginity.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
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