Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
Randomize
