Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
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