I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
Why does it always end up with me crying in my car.
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
