i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
i have absolutely no control over my now miserable and whore-ish lifestyle.
Oh well. haha. i couldn't really understand what she was saying. i just nodded a lot. i guesss she found that sexy.
gotta love spring break
gotta love slutty girls from the south
you inspire me to be a worse person
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
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