Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
Just got offered a dog by two Meth head's one of which wasn't wearing shoes and continually saying "fuck"
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
