Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Bank of America texted me 7 times in 12 hours to say my balance was below $50. I kept transfering money back in. Then I texted my bank saying that it was okay, i knew what I was doing.
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
His dick is pure magic - dark, powerful, beautiful magic. It's the Elder Wand of penises
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
