Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
2 reasons we need to wear those onesies to the bar more ofter 1) comfy as shit 2) we both still got laid\n\nHow can you resist that kinda night?
i need some magic done to my vagina
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Randomize
