dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I know where his drugs are but not my pants
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Are you missing a tooth after last night? Because I found one in my coat pocket...along with what smells like dried jäger and a package of deer jerky.
Uh not that I recall.
Oh wait nvm. It's mine. Yeup, definitely my tooth.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
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