i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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