I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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