obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Randomize
