Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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