I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
It's tuesday, which means cocktails followed by cocktales.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
