Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
