we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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