I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Never play truth or dare with a girl who carries a dildo in her purse. I'll never go to a Denny's again.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
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