so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
You spent the entire night trying to get me to make out with you
yeah I remember. your boyfriend shouldnt have cheered me on though.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
Randomize
