I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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