you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
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