I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
I feel like there should be a database and you screen your boyfriend's scrotum and all the fucked up shit they've done goes on file.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
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