first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
