Why are there hot girls at the dollar store?
The recession has changed everything man.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
