I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
No. Cease was criminally insane from birthday shots, and not a lot of women want to go home from the bar with a guy who wants to "snuggle but keep it strictly professional".
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
