We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
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