Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Come share oat with me in your robe
Randomize
