Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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