dude i'm inner monologue high
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
Randomize
