If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
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