well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
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