She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
shit went down at the bar when this girl with 'morals' totally cock blocked a married guy. she actually kicked IN the bathroom door when they were fucking in there. then we all did shots.
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
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