He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
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