This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize