kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
