I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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