mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
And my parents said I crawled through the house
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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