I need help removing her.
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
Randomize
