youre lurking in front of me
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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